Life is full of memories. It was one of the best years I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve never be able to memorize all the detail moments in a year as much as I had when I was in Germany.
The classical question would be “why?”,. “ Why should it ends so soon?”
I spent half of my journey back home crying on the plane. I was expecting the Plane lost its direction and instead of landing in Indonesia, it would be landed in Frankfurt. Well, luckily it didn’t happen, coz if it does, then it would be the silliest flight ever,.
It was a quite nice summer in Germany when everyone gets to know each other closer and closer. When finally you know that they weren’t just new friends for you, when you know them better, love them, and cares about them more. It was quite nice as well when you found your crush likes you back after all searching.
For about 2 weeks after leaving Germany, I always saw Pforzheim and the people in my dream, or even when I shortly close my eyes.
Before leaving everyone always said that:
“keep this as a good memories” “when you feel down, please remember the time in PF and smile again for us” “we will keep in contact, don’t worry” “I will collect money and visit you in your home country” “mann sieht sich immer zwei mal im Leben” (People meet each other at least twice in their lifes) Etc…
I do keep those as a good memory. In which make me difficult to move on. Am I able to smile when I have to give in those memories, and being here? Am I able to keep contact when there is so much different time among us? Will I be able to visit them one by one or having a reunion somewhere in this world? And if I will be able to do it, will everyone able to do it?
Too much questions in my head. And the more I think about it, the more suffer I am.
So I decided to move on,. Yep “move on”, simple word but tough! I was trying to do it by make myself busy. Meanwhile, I also keep contact with some friends I knew from Pforzheim. Because I found out that still talking with them gave me the feeling that they’re still near to me. The feeling that if I need their help, they can always come to my room, help me and give me a hug.
But things didn’t goes as what it’s expected. Some friend keep in contact, while the other close friends were disappear like a magic! well okey not that worse,. But still, it’s hard to contact them,. In fact, it was almost everyday we were always hanging around together, partying, cooking, traveling, watching movie, studying at the library,etc.
I was really angry about many things. I was angry that my friends didn’t keep in contact as they promised. I was angry that my crush didn’t want to work a little bit harder on me and just let me go. I was angry that my freedom was taken away from me. I was angry that I have to readjust to the confusing culture.
At the end, I worry so much about the memory of Pforzheim I have. Will it still be a good memory as it is? Or Will it be a bitter memory?
A friend told me that I shouldn’t be a “cry baby girl” who isn’t able to move on and face everything. I need to grow up! And face it like a grown adult!
Strong advice, but I know I have to be able to do it. Just give me sometime, and I’ll be fine.
Well, my progress is going quite good. I can accept and face it, even tough sometimes I still dream about it. But yeah my sister told me, in few months I will be able to see it as a funny process..
And we will see…
